Monday, March 10, 2012

Hello again, brother. I visited this “cafe” that I was told about. It seems the work does not hold same meaning here. Now I understand why the men were swearing by it. It was not a cafe, but a whore house! When I am realizing this, I am having trouble knowing whether to laugh or cry. I do not think this is the kind of loneliness I am feeling without Juli. This whorehouse did not make me feel better. When one woman tried to approach me, I was angry. I hit her, and ran... I think this is because of Anushka... Do you remember that awful worm? I had almost forgotten. It is her fault now, that I never married and never tried. After what she did, what she made us do... I cannot look at a woman’s body without remembering. I only want to flee. Ach. It is times like this that test me, and I do not know how much more I can take. If only Juli had stayed, maybe I would be happy... But that would be unfair. I am not her family, and I must remember that. Maybe, though, her father will let me visit - but how would that look!? He would think I was a pervert, just like Anushka! What will I do? Bah. You don’t want to hear about this. I don’t want to talk about this. The job is still good, and I have not had a drink since that night. I am sending some money, to help with the leaky roof. Wouldn’t want one of the children to catch a cold, eh? Good luck brother, and may God watch over you.